I'm prompted to post this because of a prior post by Cheetah, bringing us the sad news of the passing of Mr. Samuel Conway, Sr. - better known to Furry Fans as Grampa Kage, the father of Onkel Kage.
This has been on my mind a lot lately; December 11th was the birthday of Fred Patten, another friend and benfactor of Furry Fandom (as well as SF, Anime, and Manga); I had seen him but two weeks before, and had sent a birthday card to him (which his sister informed that he received on that day); but it was also the day I was informed of the death of my own father (he died that morning, alone in an "assisted-care" residence, a good 10 hours' drive from the nearest family member)...and I notice that Mr. Conway was the same age as my father, and born just 2 days before.
Furry Fandom is starting to age; more of us now have family (or friends) in their twilight years, and - well, Furry Fandom being constituted as it is - many of us are perhaps estranged from our parents, either by their choice, or by our own. Possibly one or both parties find the other's understanding of the world (and one's place in it) to be incomprehensible, or even intolerable...and so to lessen the attending grief, we live in an imposed separation.
...Or we get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget, or take for granted, that there is Family who on a deep level care about us and wish us to be a part of their lives, or wish to be more involved in ours.
Whether distant by choice or by neglect, REMEMBER that Time is Fleeting, that Opportunities pass which may never come again, and to make the effort to connect, to hug and to say that you love them. Tomorrow may be too late, and Regret can last a lifetime.
********
My father knew of my involvement with Furry Fandom; I didn't tell him, he found that out through the "blessing" of Google. Due to his dysfunctional upbringing, he was not a "model" father (and that self-knowledge was painful to him). But my own dysfunctional upbringing resulted in me being distant (both emotionally and physically) from him, and in later life he really, really wished to understand me better.
...(When I discovered that he was reading my LiveJournal - and I found out when he made an enthusiastic, complimental reply to one of my posts - I just stopped posting to LiveJournal. While I never posted anything controversial, or anything about my daily life except in a very superficial way, I just felt uncomfortable being exposed for his examination (and presumed judgement). I never wanted to disappoint my father and - despite his assurances otherwise - I never really believed that he wouldn't be, if he saw me too closely)...
Perhaps I could keep from disappointing him - and I never felt like I could quite make him proud of me, despite his insisting that he was - by keeping distant, by not sharing more of my thoughts and feelings and beliefs with him. But I did him something of an injustice, denied him something which he always wanted and which he was entitled to have, namely a closer relationship with his son; and I had shortchanged myself, because I could not find a way to be open and confiding with him.
It's now too late for me to correct that; I am sitting at this laptop, surrounded by bins of files and documents which represent that paper shadow of his life, that I must now sort out; family documents showing my heritage and family background, which I never got to hear about from him. I'm winding up his Estate.
...And I don't quite feel the sorrow that I should - and that I find rather unsettling.
******
Hug your parents, while you may; build or restore the natural bonds of affection, show them this kindness. You will be richer in spirit for it!
