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Author Topic: Evening loneliness at cons  (Read 3173 times)

Chiro

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Evening loneliness at cons
« on: 31.08.2015, 01:10:30 »

I've been attending many EF and many other cons. I've always enjoyed them and always been happy that I went. One big problem though, no matter what size of the convention.

Mornings and days are the best, so many things to do. People gather to breakfast, panels to attend and fursuiters to hug. But then evenings come and I often find myself being totally alone. It always looks like everyone else have things to do. Go to eat together, dance with someone, artists alleys, fursuit lounges or roomparties. Lots of people sitting and chatting in bar in their own groups or sit in lobby giving bellyrubs to friend with or without fursuit.

And I often feel that I have nothing to do or no-one to be with. I'm just wandering around aimlessly. Its not that I wouldn't know people, but when evening comes in most cases I just don't even know where they are.

Does anyone else have same problem? What could I do to change this? Every time before I go to any convention, I think that now I'll do better. I'm going to be social and make new friends and relax and have fun, I've earned it! But it just never happens, it feels that it actually gets worse year by year. Some evenings this gets really crushing.

This post is not complain and reason to post this to EF forum is just that EF happened to be last con to attend and EF forum may be active. I was just thinking if there are other people who have or have had the same problem, I'd very much like to hear your experiences here or PM.

Thanks!
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Tony

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #1 on: 31.08.2015, 05:06:06 »

Well, even if I had a mate there, same problem happens. You just have to join any group talking in the beergarten (i'm talking EF here) ^^ That won't be a problem at all ^^
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mew?

Fafnir Kristensen

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #2 on: 31.08.2015, 12:13:55 »

if you have a smartphone, just ask your pal where they are using whatsapp/telegram/skype/twitter/*insertothernewhypedstuff*
also note your friend room door numbers
that said, by simply wandering randomly in the various places either in or out of the hotel should make you cross some familiar faces.
as Tony said, the beergarden is a nice place to meet people even if you dont know them, bring a few beer and a bag of chips to break the ice and start the fun.
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Fineas

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #3 on: 31.08.2015, 13:53:23 »

One of the secondary reasons I joined staff.
Don't get me wrong; the work is nice and it gives much fulfilment.

But it gives a lot of purpose to otherwise un-scheduled time for me.
Instead of wondering what I am going to do between 12:00 and 15:00 where the first interesting panel start, I head to ConOps and see if they need an extra hand.

Not 'just' answering attendees or set up event rooms,
but sometimes they need some lifting done with a bunch of people.
I have run a part of the fursuit gameshow for a day.
Walked with the fursuit parade to guide them or get them water.

Evenings might be a bit harder, but for me it was mainly stopping to worry about it.
I'm almost certain that the dread that guides me deters people away and makes me less prone to come up with fun stuff to do and people to find.

And instead have a mental list of where I would go.
- See if their is anything interesting in the office.
- Head to the main stage event.
- Head to any side stage (furry music cafe, alternative dance, open stage).
- Go to the firepit or main lobby, see if I run in to people.
-- I might call them to see if they are occupied.
- Head to the Games Corner (wink wink :-3 ) and play a game with the many friendly faces their
- Eventually go to the sauna or call it a night early after enjoying EF prime with some strong liqueur (I really enjoy the old cartoons and a lot of the music videos)

It also helps to meet up a bunch of people before 17 - 18h
and see who feels like sharing a meal and figure out along the way if they are interested in the events going on after 18h so you can join them.
« Last Edit: 31.08.2015, 13:56:20 by Fineas »
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SiranaJHelena

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #4 on: 31.08.2015, 16:09:19 »

Hm, I recently had the same problem on other conventions or parties after business conventions. Fortunately I read a blog post from an introverted CEO about being a bit shy when you have to / want to communicate to people you don't know.
His advice was to look around for other people who are standing somewhere and seem to be lost somehow. Approach to them and wait what happens. If they wanted to talk but didn't dare, they'll be glad and you get a new friend. If they just want to relax and have a moment for themselves, they can tell you that and then you have to try it again.

The one time I did this, my dialogue partner suddenly became really talkative and happy and it was a joy to watch this change (and of course the talk itsself was nice, too.)
Don't know if this works at furry cons, too, but give it a try. You can only win. :)

(Also it helps to stay close to people you already know and get to know other people through them but on a convention as big as that they might have own plans for the day and keeping near them like a limpet might be turn out a little bit uncomfortable for both of you.)
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Jorinda

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #5 on: 01.09.2015, 11:30:46 »

if you have a smartphone, just ask your pal where they are using whatsapp/telegram/skype/twitter/*insertothernewhypedstuff*
Try starting a whatsapp or telegram group chat with your friends. Quite useful for questions like "Anyone wanna go grab a beer and Döner?".


Or just try to approach the groups in the lobby or the beergarden. Simple things like "I see you're drawing, may I join in?" or "I like your music, mind if I sit with you?" are usually enough to break the ice.
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Fineas

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #6 on: 01.09.2015, 12:34:01 »

Or make an offering of beer.
You don't have to come up with a clever friendly pick up line and just ask the near universal question :-3
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Chiro

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #7 on: 01.09.2015, 23:59:38 »

Thanks everyone for all the advices. And thank you to few who sent PM also writing about their own experiences and feelings about this. At least I'm not alone with this problem, which is always kinda relieving to know.

What comes to beergarden and such, problem is that I'm not so much drinker. I know it would make things easier... I'm far, far to shy to just to sit to same table with people I don't know. It is almost annoying to see how easily some people get to know new people during one evening or so. For me it'd take a month to get to same level.

But Games Corner sounded like something I could try. Maybe I'd get to talk about something else than games too. It would be just nice to share time and thoughts with someone.

Thanks again!
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Kanrei

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Re: Evening loneliness at cons
« Reply #8 on: 03.09.2015, 00:14:11 »

Or maybe you can before the con starts, see if people want to meet you at the con. Like asking, who would like to meet you? I also met some people, I just knew from facebook. (Ok some I just tried to meet, because of being really busy.) There are surely some people, who would like meet new people. ^^

If you are an artist, you can sit in the lobby and draw, some people may talk to you.
Hmm I think generally showing what your interest are could maybe help get other people to talk to you, when they share the same interest.
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