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Eurofurence 25 "Fractures in Time" - Estrel Hotel Berlin, August 14-18, 2019Follow eurofurence on Twitter

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Author Topic: Hug your parents, while you can...  (Read 3519 times)

VulpesRex

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Hug your parents, while you can...
« on: 28.01.2016, 08:19:58 »

   I'm prompted to post this because of a prior post by Cheetah, bringing us the sad news of the passing of Mr. Samuel Conway, Sr. - better known to Furry Fans as Grampa Kage, the father of Onkel Kage.

   This has been on my mind a lot lately; December 11th was the birthday of Fred Patten, another friend and benfactor of Furry Fandom (as well as SF, Anime, and Manga); I had seen him but two weeks before, and had sent a birthday card to him (which his sister informed that he received on that day); but it was also the day I was informed of the death of my own father (he died that morning, alone in an "assisted-care" residence, a good 10 hours' drive from the nearest family member)...and I notice that Mr. Conway was the same age as my father, and born just 2 days before.

   Furry Fandom is starting to age; more of us now have family (or friends) in their twilight years, and - well, Furry Fandom being constituted as it is - many of us are perhaps estranged from our parents, either by their choice, or by our own.  Possibly one or both parties find the other's understanding of the world (and one's place in it) to be incomprehensible, or even intolerable...and so to lessen the attending grief, we live in an imposed separation.

   ...Or we get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget, or take for granted, that there is Family who on a deep level care about us and wish us to be a part of their lives, or wish to be more involved in ours.

   Whether distant by choice or by neglect, REMEMBER that Time is Fleeting, that Opportunities pass which may never come again, and to make the effort to connect, to hug and to say that you love them.  Tomorrow may be too late, and Regret can last a lifetime.

********

   My father knew of my involvement with Furry Fandom; I didn't tell him, he found that out through the "blessing" of Google.  Due to his dysfunctional upbringing, he was not a "model" father (and that self-knowledge was painful to him).  But my own dysfunctional upbringing resulted in me being distant (both emotionally and physically) from him, and in later life he really, really wished to understand me better.

   ...(When I discovered that he was reading my LiveJournal - and I found out when he made an enthusiastic, complimental reply to one of my posts - I just stopped posting to LiveJournal.  While I never posted anything controversial, or anything about my daily life except in a very superficial way, I just felt uncomfortable being exposed for his examination (and presumed judgement).  I never wanted to disappoint my father and - despite his assurances otherwise - I never really believed that he wouldn't be, if he saw me too closely)...

   Perhaps I could keep from disappointing him - and I never felt like I could quite make him proud of me, despite his insisting that he was - by keeping distant, by not sharing more of my thoughts and feelings and beliefs with him.  But I did him something of an injustice, denied him something which he always wanted and which he was entitled to have, namely a closer relationship with his son; and I had shortchanged myself, because I could not find a way to be open and confiding with him.

   It's now too late for me to correct that; I am sitting at this laptop, surrounded by bins of files and documents which represent that paper shadow of his life, that I must now sort out; family documents showing my heritage and  family background, which I never got to hear about from him.  I'm winding up his Estate.

   ...And I don't quite feel the sorrow that I should - and that I find rather unsettling.

******

   Hug your parents, while you may; build or restore the natural bonds of affection, show them this kindness.  You will be richer in spirit for it!
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Vulpine fortunes are precarious; people wish either to build monuments to us - or to hang us.

meo

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Re: Hug your parents, while you can...
« Reply #1 on: 28.01.2016, 08:46:29 »

Thanks for this lines I just want to add some of mine.

While we are creators, not only by art but by the way we share and care, we sometimes forget the People outside of our microcosm and while these maybe couldn't understand the obsession with these "Funny Animals" don't let them slip away, hold them more closer. If I learned something, People in hard times, in age and loneliness needs Fun, companionship and Happiness more than everyone.

Don't think about your parents and grandparents but also long lost friends. Maybe they need a Hug now more than ever.

Albert Schweizer once said:
"The most beautiful memorial a person can receive lies in the hearts of his fellow humans" so lets build this monument.
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Warius

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Re: Hug your parents, while you can...
« Reply #2 on: 29.02.2016, 19:11:48 »

maybe thats true what youre saying..

let me tell you about my parents.

my dad is a fisher and he is normally gone for 9 months in a row. me and my dad did never get along. when he was home he would drink a lot.. as you know. some people become different when they drink.. unfortunatley. my dad was one of those abusive aggressive types when he was drinking.. this one time he taped me to a chair and shaved my hair bald. during that he hit me with the shaver several times... other times he would beat me up quite a lot. which led to my mom devorce my dad because his alcoholic took over him.. i regret everything i do with him. because he get so angry when i try talking to him so i have given up on talking to him and now i have not heard from my dad in 7 years

my mom on the other hand. she is always there for me but now when she found out i was a member of the furry fandom and knows that i go to conventions like eurofurence.. she dont understand it and she do argue over things that is not worth arguing over. she hate something that i love and she is so stubborn that if i drop a 3 ton stone on her the stone will shatter. thats how stubborn she is. and she use to get her new boyfriend to yell at me for something i did not do. such as not taking the phone. now i have the feeling that she is against me and her boyfriend is against me.

so i dont know what to do honestly. i have an alcoholic father that is abusive. and a mom that is against me because i'm a furry.

my family is the furry fandom.
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tromso dragon.

Lutra

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Re: Hug your parents, while you can...
« Reply #3 on: 29.02.2016, 20:51:42 »

When reading these posts I am really glad that my parents are so tolerant. I never made a miracle of it that I am a furry. Neither to my parents nor to my friends. Yeah some may call me weird but mostly I get a positive response to it or at least learned to live with it more or less ;). Sad to hear that in some families there is no such tolerance. Yeah maybe the fandom may be a substitute for a family in that case. In such situations it is allways good to have friends. *gives some warm otter hugs*.
 
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Ragear

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Re: Hug your parents, while you can...
« Reply #4 on: 07.03.2016, 21:00:53 »

well, I am glad that I could accompany my mother when she suffered and subsequently died from cancer ... though true to her nature she chose to leave in the 2hrs I wan't present at her bed, but that's ok I think, I am rather sure that she wanted to spare me that experience ... She knew about me being furry and I loved to speak (in the latter days shout :)) about what I did, whom I met and where I traveled and so on ... still despite her being dead for 9 months now tears cloud my eyes ... what I liked that on her deathbed she managed to make peace with her sister which she had avoided for most of her life.
Vulpes is right: if you have a chance: use it!

Ragear
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Quincy the Raccoon

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Re: Hug your parents, while you can...
« Reply #5 on: 26.03.2016, 12:14:55 »

This topic makes me so sad... lost BOTH my parents a few years ago. Be lucky to have your parents, they won't be there with you forever.  :'(
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Ringtailed bandit, that's what I am :3
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