Off Topic > General Furry Talk

Women at Furry Conventions

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Suicune:
What advice would you give men trying to approach women at furry conventions?
http://adjectivespecies.com/2013/10/21/how-to-pick-up-furry-women/#comment-50290
Like that person wrote. If she likes you, her behaviour will tell you within the first minutes. Even in what way.

Before going to your first furry con, where you concerned about unwanted attention? Has this actually held you back?
I have been on so many Anime Cons before and never had a problem with other people, so no.

How were your actual experiences at furry conventions?
I have been on 2 EFs so far and only met nice people. Well, I was surprised that most of them are guys, didn't expact that, but didn't have a big problem with that.
But it would be nice to have more female furs around. When I hang around in a larger group I prefer not being the only girl because it makes me feel more comfortable.
And I found out that the guys there are more open minded, took me some time to get used to it. Sometimes it gives misunderstood signals.

Did you get a lot of creeps following you - more than your male friends?
No.

Any stories to tell?
On the first EF I was invited to a little roomparty. The person really tried to persuade me. I was really unsure if I should go because there others were all guys I didn't know. Met only one of them once that day. I did go anyway and we had a little conversation before we went back to the main area.

Would you agree with what JM wrote in his blog article? Or do you disagree?
I don't agree or disagree. Some things are true.


I can't understand girls who don't go to furcons anymore just because they get hit on. Then they shoulnd't visit any event.. For me conventions are a place to have fun and meet friends.

JM:
Hi Cheetah, hi everyone. I'm JM, the author of the article. Thanks for sharing and thanks for provoking this really interesting discussion.

I wanted to chime in with a bit of extra information. For starters, the article is based on a lot of conversations, formal and informal, in-person and online, with furry women.

I first wrote an article for Adjective Species looking at the how the gender disparity in furry makes things difficult for heterosexual mean, a couple of years ago (http://adjectivespecies.com/2012/05/14/its-raining-men/). That provoked a fair bit of comment, and it became clear to me that furry lacks female voices that describe the scale of the problem. I received comments like:

"The harassment I receive both from straight men AND gay men is overwhelming, and I can see why women attracted to men would be looking outside the fandom for a mate."

"I have encountered a lot of guys who either didn’t know or didn’t care that I’m in a monogamous relationship, and proceeded to attempt sexual roleplay with me."

"Heterosexual males in the fandom often make things worse on themselves. I’ve had men send me naked pictures of themselves, threaten me for my phone number, and sometimes harrass me only to tell me that I am a heartless bitch because they can’t help harrassing women because they have autism."

Since then I've been asking around in the hope of finding a woman who would be interested in writing for AS on this topic. I didn't have any luck, and so I decided that a guy (i.e. me) writing an article is better than no article at all. (The offer is still open for women, or anyone, to contribute an article to the discussion.)

As Sundance pointed out, you need to talk to the women that are not going to conventions. The data suggests that something like half of furry women choose to stay away. To be honest, I suspect that the numbers are worse if you consider that so many women are artists who attend conventions for the dealer's den. I'd be curious to see what your 89/11% split looks like if you exclude those people who are dealing art at EF.

And finally: being single can suck, and there is nothing wrong with a guy pursuing furry women. Do it the right way: make friends online and offline and wait to be introduced to friends-of-friends. Don't make uninvited approaches to women at conventions.

My article generated a lot of interesting comment and criticism, which is always great. I'm planning on writing a followup. If anyone has stories to share, or wants to agree or disagree, please feel free to comment here or drop me an email at jm@furrynet.com.

EchoesAbove:
TL;DR
Cons have creepers, RL does too.


I haven't been active in the furry community for long, and this years EF was my first one.

What I can say is that no matter if small meet or big con, there'll ALWAYS be those guys who hit on you, even if you're hugging and kissing your significant other. He couldn't come with me to EF due to work, so I basically depended on friends dropping the "How is your boyfriend doing?" question once in a while when someone started making advances. Most of the times it worked.

I've noticed that guys are... lets say cockier, when a female is in her suit. I went to the dances, and when I was out of suit, friends danced with me, I had a good time. When in suit however, I had a guy directly going for me and trying to dance with me in specific poses. Needless to say I wasn't too amused, but it happens.

I knew such things were going to happen and I was prepared for them so I was prepared for those situations. Do it like the penguins from madagascar. Smile, wave, and then leave the scene and get back to somewhere where you are more in control, eg your friends, the suiterlounge, etc.


But apart from the creepier people, I also met a lot of awesome people, even if I mostly never even learned their name. I remember scenes in the Sauna where we were cracking jokes about the male/female ratio and how females don't have to be afraid because all guys are gay anyways. (we were 18 people and I was the only female, the rest was strictly gay)


The "creepy" guys can be found anywhere, not just as cons, so I think women don't have to be 'afraid' to go there. IF you get stalked by a guy, find another woman, talk to her, and ask her for help. Alternatively, you have friends.

Jake R:

--- Quote from: EchoesAbove on 25.11.2013, 18:57:07 ---IF you get stalked by a guy, find another woman, talk to her, and ask her for help. Alternatively, you have friends.

--- End quote ---

If someone is stalking you at a convention, I'd also suggest you write down the name (and/or as clear of a description as you can manage) and perhaps when, where, and what he was doing. Then (if you think the issue is serious enough) find a security person and discuss the issue with them. Clear and concrete information can be very helpful for security in preventing them from doing it again.

My advice for writing it down is mostly because convention chaos and stalker-induced stress could mess with your memory while talking to security. With so many colorspecies walking around, writing down the name might prevent a mixup and the wrong person being accused. You know, "We warned PurpleBadger to not bother you again." -"PurpleBadger? Oh, I believe I meant PinkBeaver!". =P

That said - I'm not a security person, perhaps they don't even see the use of this. It's just what I'd do. Writing down several incidents and presenting them as a list sure helped me a lot when a teacher was picking on me at school, and I imagine it would work for creepy stalkers as well. =D


As for "picking up furry women", I think the core issue here is that you shouldn't approach women with that in mind in the first place. Approach them as the interesting human beings (... or whatever species suit they might be currently wearing) they are, not as potential partners. Don't be desperate, they'll sense it from a mile away, and it sure won't make them like you more. Show them you're interested in more about them than just their gender. If you aren't, then you're probably talking to the wrong person anyway. And for the love of all that is holy, learn to pick up signs of when to get the hell out of there, and act on them.

Zefiro:

--- Quote from: Jake R on 28.11.2013, 15:46:41 ---And for the love of all that is holy, learn to pick up signs of when to get the hell out of there, and act on them.
--- End quote ---
That's very easy to say. I'm not convinced it's that easy to act on, though. I've seen countless times that people speak about non-present other people "They don't get it, do they? They should really learn to XXX", but very rarely that they are contacted directly. I know I'm not - so either I'm a brilliant human being without flaws (yeah, sure :), or it's just part of our social culture to NOT speak to persons and just hope they "would get it" by repeating whatever (subtle) signs are agreed on by the majority, but actually never teached. Everyone expects them to "get it", to "learn it", but for those who genuinely are not aware of this coded language there is little help to learn it. Those who know, of course, will not see the issue, probably also disregard it altogether (I'm used to ad hominem attacks when I bring this topic up). So the actual descriptions of our female furries here what they experienced and considered creepy is quite helpful.

*purrrr*

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